It has been two weeks, since I last saw my brother alive…and last time. We realized by Thursday that he was missing. He did not return his calls and we grew worried. We filed a report on Thursday night, and he went into missing person directory that night itself. Next day, a detective was assigned to the file and by Sunday, my parents were told that his body was found in a river in Virginia, where he had left his car.
For about two weeks, now, our family’s fate has been revealed to be something we can never imagine. For me, it is a void that no one ever can fill. I spent most of my lifetime with my brother sharing, laughing, playing, dreaming and sometimes fighting together.
No words, money, ransom, tears, laugh, joy and prayers could possibly bring him back in the form he was born. He is a special sensitive soul who cared for everyone deeply and yet would rarely express his own pain. I cannot say that may his soul rest in peace, as I would not like him to rest until he has finished figuring out how we can approach his dreams and fulfill them. I cannot say good bye to my one and only younger brother. Yet, I cannot stop searching for him either. Out of all of this, we do not know why exactly my brother went missing and why we all had to experience this fate together as a family.
With this, past, present and future have amalgamated into one….moment, this moment is now….this passing moment and each moment is right here in its vast emptiness, in its hollowness, in its silent echo, in its wide space, ever shrinking and expanding universe. It is in my head, in my subconcious and everywhere around me: every single minute in his memory. I write this blog as I search for meaning of life after him, taking it as a pilgrimage, thinking of him, and doing my part in my brother’s name. Amen.