If moments are like dew drops, holding memories in them, then definitely my time on earth could look like a rosary made of memories. We often think that we will not be able to survive a loved one’s passing away, that we would never remain the same, and actually we never even ever imagine that we will ever lose a loved one in our life time. Coping skills become necessary for the survival of the ones left behind. People who have gone through stress, loss, trauma, abuse, rape, bullying, and experienced their own “ground zero” in their lifetime, may cope differently or use the same method for everything. And then there is grieving, and sometimes time becomes an important factor. We often hear, “Time will heal you,” or “It will get better with time,” or “Time is the biggest healer.”
Just like a Rosary, helps us remember the “divine memory,” my moments now and then, remind me of my deceased brother. He may have passed away, leaving us with his memories, but with each memory that reminds me of him, I become strong willed, in my faith. This is my faith in my existence, that which is related to him profoundly. I see my brother in a lot more people now, he is in the green leaves, he is in the water, he is in the air, and as a matter of fact, he could now be anywhere or everywhere.
He was universal in his thoughts, a simpleton by nature, yet who understood things that I could not. To me life was always with him, not without him. Since I cannot refute the fact, I can definitely defy living without him. I have received strength from my friends during periods in my life where I was struggling, coping with loss, shame, discontentment, and disappointments, but most of all the foundations of my striving in life was due to my brother’s graceful endurance of pain.
And when I think about his pain, that which I cannot fathom, even though I saw him go through it everyday, all I can do is stop for a moment in my life, remember his pain, before mine, be humbled by his strength and then strive on, in my brother’s name.